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I Was In Charge of the Deck Chairs On the Titanic, and They Absolutely Did Need Rearranging - McSweeney’s

McSweeney’s:

Did the chairs I so lovingly arranged ever sink beneath the weight of a wealthy, silk-clad bottom? No, they sank beneath the North Atlantic, but that’s hardly the point. The point is, I did my duty to the best of my ability and froze to death with a satisfied heart.